Ready {Five Minute Friday}

Here goes another Five Minute Friday post.
The prompt: Ready

I thought I'd be ready at 18, like the other women in my family. I had always thought I didn't need a plan; that script was already written on my heart. (The years proved I was I wrong.)

I thought I was ready at 20, poring over books, devouring lectures, drinking in preparation of every kind, eager to leave behind the study and put it into practice.

I thought I was ready at 22, head so full of knowledge and 5 Steps for Success and Biblical principles and proper techniques, practicing my dream when others were gracious to allow me, and thinking I knew better than they. (I see now that I was not ready then.)

I thought I was ready at 24, when things finally started falling into place. I made vows and stepped into the future, full of ideals and naive expectations. Maybe I was ready then. (Apparently not.)

I thought I was more than ready at 26 when everyone else seemed to leave me behind, when suddenly I was the only one in any circle who couldn't join that conversation. In those spring months that were darkness to me, I grieved every day the slow death of a dream.

I think I'm beyond ready now. I don't try to resurrect the dream, all but emptied of hope and tears. Not only my peers, but those I held in my arms as babies themselves, they go on to live my dream. I can't imagine they ever wanted it as much as I did, but I suppose they were deemed ready and I was not. 

If I knew that in Heaven it would finally be revealed
that was never part of Your plan for me,
that it wasn't about readiness at all,
am I ready, Lord, to praise You now anyway?